01 May 2009

Forgive and Forget


The first language it seems is body language. Something I never did when I was a kid was talk about my pains, never knew how to recognize them. Recently it's easier to become aware that worldviews are incredibly powerful. 

Junior year I came across my first demanding teacher: Mr. A... He was a great force in getting me to think. Mr. A... and I would sometimes disagree on a point but, being grown up in a very isolated middle child position, I learned quickly to take the low road in arguments, trying to diffuse the situation and not face it... 

ever

Sometimes it's a good day, usually brought by a powerful conviction I take in the morning to focus on serving others and that's all I will do. Crying seems to be back-burner material sometimes but as the (
http://hearttoheart.wordpress.com/2008/04/16/loneliness-observed/) says, and I tend to agree, it is inevitable. It's hard to understand the meaning of mistakes, perfection, joy, love, calumny,identity and justice.  


Different types of crying come up for me in different situations.  But the one's I can recall in my mind right at this moment are: crying myself to sleep sometimes early sometimes too late, a time my father yells from the other side of the house asking me to do something for him, my mother telling me I should get a job, go to the youth group at Church, or go outside for a change. 

Type One is a type that is shameful. Brought on by seeing injustice and ignorance this type is easy to sympathize with. The situation is where you have your mouth shut out of cowardice and simply say nothing. This tends to be inwardly forceful and stifled until late at night. 

Type Two is characterized by terror or disbelief. Either a hurtful off the cuff statement or after the fact realization hurts. Usually less predictable than any other kind, this is identity shattering. A sort of attack on one's identity, iconoclasm, this is a terrifying experience. A typical chain of events explains what this cry-fest is like: 
a) A passionate and important arguments happens where I don't know whether my position is really justified because it is or because I feel it is. 
b) Inevitably it comes down to a choice and by the very nature of the issues in question like abortion, killing innocents, anything important
c) A realization that my faith informs me, but people don't have my faith for whatever reason
d) I realize it's my disbelief that's lead me to this point
e) blame
f) contain blame and desperation to self

When these thoughts come into my mind they get into a negative feedback loop. As long as I remember that God loves me the thought comes into my head that I'm being in credibly selfish because of course he does... I need not despair. 

Sometimes I get a "get over it" look from people who are in the know. It reminds me of all the holes I've quickly plugged in my hull but they're still there.

"It's not good that man should be alone..." - Genesis 2:18
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to 
his purpose." Romans 8:28

27 February 2009

Religious Art


Earlier today I started reading through the Leaflet Missal catalogue and I thought it would be a swell thing to showcase which pieces we have in my very own home. These pieces have always been with me and I never noticed them before one year ago. 

 A year ago I was not playing video games, due to hitting bottom, and lo and... behold! images of our Lord and Saints waiting patiently near me. How great is that?


 Our first piece is DaVinci's renown "The Last Supper" 

Mostly known as a brilliance of mind in Engineering, Anatomy, and in almost anything you could think of, Leonardo da Vinci created this particular piece for Duke Ludovico d'Este.  

The painting presents to the viewer the scene of The Last Supper from the final days of Jesus as narrated in the Holy Gospel of John 13:21. Jesus announced to his dearest twelve that one would betray him but also promised and commanded his presence to be repeated through the Catholic Sacrament of the Eucharist. Jesus established the meeting of heaven and earth forever here.  

The original is located in a church ordered built by the very Duke Leonardo was under patron of, but in a recreation I have two in my household. One is lacquered underneath some type of resin sitting on my piano and the other enshrined in a gilded frame in the kitchen.  

This is a truly magnificent painting. Notable features within the piece are Judas's stern visage and the remaining Apostles conversing. 


Luke 22:7-20

[7] Then came the day of Unleavened Bread on which the Passover lamb had to be sacrificed. [8] Jesus sent Peter and John, saying, "Go and make preparations for us to eat the Passover."

[9] "Where do you want us to prepare for it?" they asked.

[10] He replied, "As you enter the city, a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him to the house that he enters, [11] and say to the owner of the house, 'The Teacher asks: Where is the guest room, where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?' [12] He will show you a large upper room, all furnished. Make preparations there."

[13] They left and found things just as Jesus had told them. So they prepared the Passover.

[14] When the hour came, Jesus and his apostles reclined at the table. [15] And he said to them, "I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. [16] For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God."

[17] After taking the cup, he gave thanks and said, "Take this and divide it among you. [18] For I tell you I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes."

[19] And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me."

[20] In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you. 


Our second piece is Sallman's "Head of Christ" 

Warner Sallman started this contemplative snapshot of Jesus in the charcoal medium, for an Evangelical magazine in the 1920's called Covenant Companion. By the mid thirties Mr. Sallman had tried his brush at his first ever oil painting of this project for the 50th anniversary of the Evangelical Covenant Church.   

Joined with his client, Warner's painting has been sold over 500million times throughout the world. The Salvation Army and YMCA even distributed miniatures for oversees soldiers in WWII. The picture is copyrighted so I send the link to you instead. 

 

Our third, and final piece, is Raphael's "La disputa del sacramento"

We don't have this painting but it is amazing. I came to learn of disputation in a book I've been reading by Dr. Thomas Woods Jr. called "How the Catholic Church Built Western Civilization." For a vivid example of what a disputation means I thought this painting very appropriate. It seems as if in the painting a war of meaning of the Eucharist is on. There are two very obvious camps in the arguement and it's all in good faith. It was painted by Raphael who is responsile for many religious works including the interesting "The School of Athens," and the amazing ceiling fresco "Adam and Eve." 


Something interesting is "what could have motivated the fall?" If Eve and Adam were filled with the divine life, how could they choose not God? I supose it was clearly some crisis of faith on Eve's part, and on Adam's he trusted her because he loves her.


Instead of attempting to talk about disputation's role in antiquity I will let the book speak: 

 

Page 54 of "How the Catholic Church Built Western Civilization"


 "such questions [having to do with concerns brought up in arguments] were also posed in what was known as the ordinary disputation. The master would assign students to argue one or the other side of a question. When their interaction had ceased, it was then up to the master to 'determine,' or resolve, the question. To obtain a Bachelor of Arts degree, a student was expected to determine a question by himself to the satisfaction of the faculty. (Before being permitted to do so, however, he had to prove that he possessed adequate preparation and was fit to be evaluated.) This kind of emphasis on careful argument, on marshaling a persuasive case for each side of the question, and on resolving a dispute by means of rational tools sounds like the opposite of the intellectual life that most people associate with medieval man. But that was how the degree-granting process operated."

 

Page 65 of the same


 "Christopher Dawson, one of the great historians of the twentieth century, observed that from the days of the earliest universities "the higher studies were dominated by the technique of logical discussion -- the quaestio the public disputation which so largely determined the form of medieval philosophy even in its greatest representatives. 'Nothing,' says Robert of Salome, 'is known perfectly which has not been masticated [ meaning chewed] by the teeth of disputation,' and the tendency to submit every question, from the most obvious to the most abstruse, to this process of mastication not only encouraged readiness of wit and exactness of thought but above all developed that spirit of criticism and methodic doubt to which Western culture and science have owed so much."

 

Count your blessings modernity, you are very very blessed.

21 February 2009

Relations of the beach ball and setting sun

Gong for good and growth
Aching for asquiescence and arch
the beachball blows beyond the beach

Hitting for horizons,
barely defined yet burning always
the edge of the world asks you to look in

know thyself by bumping yourself
knowingly love, knowingly live, think

moore

15 January 2009

Continuously shocked

[I apologize for this post, inasmuch as it is revealing / disturbing. It, however, must be said because it has been torturous.]

Once and a while, I find myself disillusioned... "Chris, this is down to the situation you had before and you stupidly hoped too much in your dreams and not enough in the fact of God." "Start with an error you end with an error, smartiepants."

The convergence of these two following exibits (A & B) seems impossible but... by the grace of God and faith I choose to go on, why? Because I want to . 

Self-centerdness is what I see: "Why do I not get the situation I want [knowing the truth] in the way that I want [reality turned into what i want]"

A)  Two Paragraphs by Pope John Paul II in "Love and Responsibility" on sentimental Love:

"Idealization of the object of love is a well-known phenomenon. It is particularily characteristic of young love. Here, the ideal is more powerful than the real, living human being, and the later often becomes merely occasion for an eruption in the subject's emotional consciousness of the values which he or she longs with all his heart to find in another person. It does not really matter whether they are really values possesed by the particular person towards whom the subject feels a sentimental love. For that person, as we have said, is less the object of than the occassion for affection. Sentimentality is subjective and feeds, sometimes to excess, above all on values which the subject bears within himself or herself, and for which he or she consciously or unconsciously yerns, And this is yet another difference between sentiment and sensuality, which is in its own say objective and nurtured by a sexual value connected with the 'body' of the person who is the object of desire- though of course this is the objectivity of desire, not the objectivity of love.

None the less the salient feature of human sentiment noted a moment ago seems to be the main source of the weakness of affection. That form of love shows a characteristic ambivalence; it seeks to be near the belovd person, seeks proximity and expressuins of tenderness, yet it is remote from the beloved in that it does not depend for its life on that person's true value, but on those values to which the subject clings as to its ideal. This is why sentimental love is very often the cause of dissillusionment. Disullusionment where the woman is concerned may come with the discovery as time goes by that the man's sentiment is ony a sort of scrren for concupiscience or for the will to use another. Man and woman alike may be disillusioned to find that the values ascribed to the beloved person are ficticious." 

He goes on to say that this can cause love to fade or cause hatred. Some things left out: at the time of birth one is male or female; male or female is something to grown into over time and the body is integral to that


B) A lecture given by Peter Kreeft Ph.D. of Philosophy 

http://www.peterkreeft.com/audio/17_cslewis-a-grief-observed/peter-kreeft_grief-observed.mp3

This lecture is an exploration of the grief that C.S. Lewis had on the occassion of hi wife's death.
A quick list of the (5ish step process with annotations by me, as i see Truth in it.)
Denial - Shocked antithetical impression of the situation; falsity
Anger - "How could this happen to me?" "What did I do?"
Bargaining - Attempting to push impending weight of the situation
Depression - down in the duldrums due to overweighted consequences
Acceptance - the result of rational compromising and learning from an experience


I'm not quite sure how to summarize in prose so a list of things I, God permitting, would ostensibly like to change:

Fight myself to follow the truth, rather than comfort itself
Get used to being shocked Chris, truth hurts
Practically: Buck up with even more acceleration in my studies and efforts
Teach myself to love myself, rather than satisfy myself
Serve others, for in serving we are served; love the other for their own sake


28 January 2008

Young soul's playing in the surf

This prayer/reflection is a direct response to a magnificent talk I heard Dr. Peter Kreeft give through his website. (I highly suggest visiting and listening to some of the more evoking passages.)

http://www.peterkreeft.com/ (Just go to Audio->The Sea->The Sea.mp3)

Thank you God,
for all that you have given me
for I know you know sometimes I don't know
what's right for me and sometimes I loose footing

but in the moment of silence and hopeless nanosecond
when absolutely nothing is keeping me from the life after
I hear a faint rush of you're growing arms and I rush into them
with belligerence and total submission

You can have me because you are true and narrow
Thank you, thank you, oh my Lord God, Thank You